Trade-Offs: Raising a Baby in the 21st Century
A perfect example is our car seat mobile. Emerson screamed every time I drove the 15 minutes it takes to get to our town. Because I am one of those wimpy moms who can’t handle her baby crying, I often arrived in town with more tears streaking my face than Emerson had. I searched high and low for some eco car seat entertainment and, to my knowledge, an eco car seat toy does not exist. I toyed with making one myself—Waldorf style—with sticks and strings, but figured that might not be so safe. After 5 months of screaming every town trip, I finally broke down and bought a Tiny Love car seat mobile. Low and behold, Emerson cooed upon first sight and played all the way to town and back every trip. Was the purchase necessary? I say yes. Is it safe? Hell no. This thing is made of toxic plastic and the dangly mirror, ball, and crinkly butterfly are by no means “food for the planet”* as Bill McDonough* might say, much less something I want in my baby’s mouth. However, it seemed slightly safer than my twigs and string idea. Does Emerson like it? Oh, yes. (It is these kinds of situations that make me think at least eight times a day that I need to get into the eco baby product business.)
Here is how we generally go about getting what we think is “the right stuff” for Emerson:
- We get as much as possible from our community. We’re lucky to live in a small, connected community that happens to be having a baby boom. We accept all used clothing…even if something isn’t organic cotton, we’ll take it—it’s better to go used than buy new organic, obviously. And, anything made from synthetic materials is better off re-used. When it comes to non-sustainable furniture and toy hand-me-downs, after asking myself whether Emerson really needs each item, if the answer is yes (e.g. a safety gate), I then ask myself whether there is a new green, affordable alternative that is so much safer for Emerson it warrants the expenditure of my money and the energy/resources it took to make it. If there is not, we’ll take the hand-me-down! You might check around in your community to see if there is an organized kid stuff swap on or offline. Our community also has an organized swap once a year, a free box with a kids stuff area, and a localized eBay “Trash or Treasure” program through our local community radio.
- We buy only what we absolutely need—and what we buy is usually as green as we can get. We try our darndest to live by a voluntary simplicity philosophy. Luckily, once again, we live in a community where second hand, eclectic, and sparse are all considered cool. When we do go to buy something we really need, I am always amazed at how few options we eco moms have. We are limited to a handful of companies making organic cotton clothing, bath products, bedding, and European wood toys. Thank goodness these products are getting easier to find as more and more conscious (and smart) retailers are getting behind them. I don’t have time to cruise a hundred little websites to find what I need. These four sites have made eco baby shopping a little easier for me.
- eBay’s World of Good: eBay’s World of Good started by featuring arts and crafts from artisans around the world. Now they have added planet friendly products to the World of Good mix. All “Planet Friendly” products are certified planet friendly by trusted third parties through World of Good’s “Trustology” network.
- Amazon Green: Amazon launched Green last year and, in typical Amazon style, makes finding and buying (fairly) green quick and easy.
- FAO Schwarz recently launched it’s Planet Friendly toy label which means organic/sustainable raw materials, natural/non-toxic paints and dyes, and low or no chemical processing.
- Our Green House is one of my longtime favorites. It’s a small store in Connecticut that seems to have everything an eco mom would want under one roof. Great online service too.
- Green By Design is a new site doing a great job at identifying and qualifying its recommended (and all green) products.
This type of hyperobsessiveness is why IMHO moms who have more than one kid are better parents. When one has multiple children, one simply does not have the time or energy to overthink every single little thing.
Do I make a serious effort to live simply and be a good steward of God’s creation? Absolutely! Am I a total control freak about it? No. I don’t need to run myself ragged trying to be “perfect” when I’m living a much more eco-friendly lifestyle than the overwhelming majority of American moms.
Environmental safety is as important as food and shelter for a child. Green isn’t a “nice-to-have.” Often, not always, buying safe products amounts to simply making a choice between quality and quantity. Whether you have one child or five, better to think about long-term health and do everything you can to protect it. Being green isn’t about being a perfect parent. It’s as basic as food, water and air.
I love your point of view! Maybe because I don’t have children yet…
But I think Crimson Wife doesn’t explain why she thinks moms with “hyperobsessiveness” are worst than other moms. Because she let her child cry in the car? Children need love not tons of toys.
I love this post!
In response to Crimson Wife, she explains why she is going into detail. She’s been working in the eco-business sector so she “knows to much” thus leaving her with all these voices in her head as she makes decisions for her child. And yes, we all know that with our first we tend to have extra time to think more, but is that necessarily a bad thing. I’m not thinking CW gets the extremity of the eco-system we are dealing with.
I just saw Bill McDonough speak yesterday at Cornell and it was amazingly uplifting. I’m just so happy to hear that people in the business sector are hearing this message.
Good for you Allison, your the type of mom we need to help elicit change that supports health for every person, animal, plant on this planet.
There’s a lot of doubt surrounding which methods/products are truly sustainable and which are just green washing. Sometimes we need someone to get to the “bottom” of it all - Check out our myth-busting video “What’s Your Big Green Lie?!” which gives a taste of the widespread ignorance of green issues including cloth VS disposable diapers at http://www.biggreenlies.com.
Of course I don’t think hyperobsessive control freak parents are the worst ones out there. The worst parents are the ones who simply don’t care about their kids. It’s obviously better to care too much than too little!
But I feel strongly that parents should strive for the “happy medium”, trying to be a “good enough” parent rather than obsessing about every single solitary little thing in a futile attempt to be a “perfect” mom. The big stuff is what is most important to the health of our children and our planet. Freaking out about 100% of the small stuff is not likely to make a significant difference in the long run- just think of all the awful stuff we were exposed to as kids and we turned out just fine. And frankly I don’t think it’s good for a child’s mental health to be raised by an overly anxious “helicopter” mom.
I’ve never met a new mother who isn’t a bit “hyperobsessive” about their first child! I certainly fell under that category with my first and, similar to what Crimson Wife seemed to say, was more relaxed and a better parent to my kids after I had my second child.
Allison’s blog was a great starting point for those of us hoping to make better (greener) choices for our kids and hardly sounded like a helicopter mom “freaking out about 100% of the small stuff”. She courageously admitted her shortcomings and her worries - not unlike my mother who was a nurse obsessing over unlikely accidents that could befall me or my kids. She had seen too much! Let’s be grateful for being privy to the journey Allison is on and the work she’s done and willing to share with us!
And a word about what we were exposed to and how we turned out just fine: why do I see so many 40-somethings getting cancer? Prostate, testicular, breast, the list goes on and on of people in my life who are in their 40’s receiving these diagnoses. I wouldn’t count on that for my kids!