On Saturday, I was fortunate to be in the presence of His Holiness the Dalai Lama at the Greek Theatre, on the campus of the University of California at Berkeley. The event was sponsored by the American Himalayan Foundation, and we were told our attendance made it possible for this amazing organization to build another school in the region. I had suffered through a high fever all week and was not sure I could make the trip to see His Holiness, but through the hospitality and kindness of good friends, I made the trip.
My reaction to seeing the Dalai Lama reminded me of my first experience at the circus as a young child. I know this may seem like a strange analogy, but when faced with beauty, I cry. When the elephants entered the circus tent, I cried as a child. I cried when they left. My mother asked me why, and I said, “Elephants are beautiful.” When the Dalai Lama came on stage at the Greek Theatre, I cried. When he left I cried. His Holiness emodies everything that is beautiful in humans.
The topic of discussion was Peace Through Compassion. Driving home from Berkeley, I thought about His Holiness’ words as they relate to peace in family life. The Dalai Lama spoke about the biological basis for compassion between a mother and child. He shared a story of red eye plane flight from Tokyo to the US, in which he observed a family with two small children. At the beginning of the journey, both parents were attentive to the young children’s needs. As the night wore on, the father fell asleep, and the mother continued caring for the kids. In the morning, she looked stressed, tired, exhausted, as any mother has felt when traveling a long distance with small kids. This sort of selfless compassion and giving of oneself happens with mothers all the time, as their own needs are sacrificed for those of their young. If this same sort of compassion could be developed in all people towards other humans, imagine the peace that would ensue.
The Dalai Lama’s message was that peace must first begin in the individual with “personal disarmament.” Within families, there is always conflict. Whether it is a child not listening to a parent or parents disagreeing over childrearing issues, life in the family home can be anything but peaceful. As the mother of a strong-willed daughter, His Holiness’ words made me reflect on my part in conflicts with her, as well as how I could help her feel she does not have to battle her way through life. Our entire family suffers when there is conflict, so I changed my approach in dealing with her defiance.
Sunday morning, my daughter refused to brush her teeth. Instead of digging in my heals and threatening or giving an ultimatum, I tried approaching her defiance with compassion. She knows why it is important to brush your teeth, so I started there, hugging her and talking about the importance of oral hygiene. I also talked with her about how I only asked her to brush her teeth, because I love her and don’t want to see her suffer from tooth decay. I held her hand, led her to the bathroom, and lo and behold, she brushed her teeth. The conflict was not avoided, but it was gently and lovingly handled. Instead of viewing her defiance as a personal attack on my authority as her mother, I tried to have compassion for her situation. I think when she is acting up, it is really her way of saying I need some affection right now to help me find my way.
If I can remember the Dalai Lama’s words on individual peace through compassion in dealing with my children, I think we will experience less and less conflict as we live our lives together.
(Peg Skorpinski photo)
What an incredible experience for you to have seen the Dalai Lama. Thank you for sharing that with us. We find it harder to have compassion when life gets busy or we’re rushing off from place to place. That’s often the times when they children want to be slow pokes, or simply not do what we ask because they don’t want to be hurried. If we slowed down, lowered expectations and handled these situations better, I’m pretty sure that we’d see a completely different result.
Amazing you get the chance to hear from the Dalai Lama. His thoughts on people and Earth are inspirational.
If you’re passionate about slowing climate change, I just watched some videos that are definitely worth checking out. There was a contest at Tomorrows World’s site and the students who won have their work on show:
http://www.tomorrowsworldcompetition.com/
These kids wrote scripts or sent in videos on water efficiency and climate change flooding. Hopefully in the process they’ll make a lot people think about their own water efficiency and carbon footprints.
Never hurts to put your ideas out there, so let’s encourage them to keep at it. Give them a view and spread the word!
Free Tibet, my holy foot
Please do not liberate my country. I understand your energy, good nature and idealism. I was the same when I was at your age. I hope you’re there to protest for China when your ancestors pushed opium to China.
First, thanks you all. Now, I’m a naturalized US citizen collecting generous welfare benefits. You do not understand how my life has been improved staying here. Just imagine living in the highest mountain in your country year round.
There are always folks wanting to be kings and queens. They have their ambitions and revolutionary ideas. Some may want to steal ‘legally’. The last ones went to India after the failed revolt sponsored by CIA. What do you feel if US and Brits drop arms from airplane into Quebec? Please let me know who sponsor today’s Tibetan movements – not seem to be a Mickey Mouse production. They do not speak for the common folks who just want a peaceful life.
News on Tibet must feed a lot of reporters in the west but hurt their conscience. Some are not true and some were reported from the desk. The recent Tibetan riot was started when Han Chinese were murdered but was reported wrongly with photos that were bought and modified to indicate it was the other way round. To be fair, Chinese reporters are no angels.
The Chinese will not give up Tibet. It is the major water source for most of Asia. How many territories within a country are now independent? We get more from the Chinese than giving back. Our standard of living improves substantially and so is our literacy rate (in our old feudal system, only monks could learn). Where else in China citizens get free medical care and education?
The new train and the proposed 750 small dams to generate electricity are recent gifts. I bet the extraction of natural Chinese will improve our living standard further. It is the same as opening a casino in an Indian reservation. The benefits outnumber the drawbacks.
China had been ruled by Mongolians and Manchurians in history. We’re one of the 55 minorities, same as the blacks in your country or the Quebec French in Canada. Dali Lama must be the best salesman on earth with the circus of silly and most likely uneducated Hollywood celebrities. If there were one like him for Mongolia, one for Manchuria, you guys will be busy for a long while.
Unless you can convince your congress to send soldiers to ‘liberate’ us, please do not stir up our rebellious sentiment towards the Chinese. The more you do, the more our folks suffer and ‘disappear’.
Spend your energy elsewhere. The choices are unlimited: CEOs enjoying outrageous benefits/bonuses from companies receiving bailouts, or killing Iraqi children in a war you cannot afford. Just leave our 2 million souls in Tibet alone. Check for the last 200 years, who are the ones that invade and colonize? Not Chinese for sure as they had been victims.
Everywhere in China, you see Tibetan cultures have been maintained (excluding the Cultural Revolution) – different from what your ‘reporters’ report. All the minorities have been exempted from the one-child policy. Check out the following link. Do they look oppressed to you?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kVaPR0mFFio&feature=related
It sounds like propaganda. I want you to know that I have no connection with the Chinese government. Your action on the wheel-chair torch bearer for Olympic showed the world how barbarous and coward you are.
I just want to be realistic and the world at least my world will be more peaceful without your demonstrations. I wrote the above from the mind of the silent majority of Tibetans.
I loved this article, Jennifer. I especially loved your personal anecdote about your daughter. There is always another side to the story, isn’t there? I think that conflict can often be avoided when we approach it from this angle!