In a hot custody battle, every little action is scrutinized. Or in this case, every big action: the act of breastfeeding.
In Toronto, a Canadian judge ordered the mother of a 29-month-old girl to adjust her breastfeeding schedule or begin pumping so her biological father could spend time with the girl. The girl is now 34 months old.
The woman, Jennifer Johne, had allegedly been limiting time for her daughter to spend with dad, Carl Cavannah, because the girl was still breastfeeding.
But Justice Alan Ingram said that must change. The law says that mothers and fathers are equally entitled to custody of a child.
Cavannah has tried to take an active role in his daughter’s life, the court said, quitting his job and moving closer to her, as well as taking parenting classes. Still, his time with the girl was limited.
I say “girl” because although I wholeheartedly believe in extended breastfeeding, the toddler is clearly old enough to grab an apple, a sandwich and a bottle or sippy of breastmilk during her time with dad.
Though I don’t know what kind of father Cavannah is, he should be given a reasonable chance to try to be a good one. As far as the parents’ relationship, their daughter was conceived after a brief affair.
But I don’t agree that there should be a timetable for breastfeeding to end. (It’s not always our choice; kids sure do like to have their say in the matter!) In this case, mama, might you pick up a pump? Breastmilk is indeed beneficial, but so is the relationship a child has with her father. Even more so, actually.
Justice Alan Ingram wrote in an eight-page ruling:
Jen has been unwilling to give a timetable as to when the breastfeeding will end. But now the time has come for Jen to have greater consideration for the relationship between the child and Carl. If she used a breast pump and provided the milk to Carl, he would be willing to give it to (the child).
The lawyer for Jennifer Johne said her client would appeal.
Source: UPI
Image: helenmoverland on Flickr under a Creative Commons License.
It´s always said when a parent tries to use something that is so good for your child as a reason to keep it away from the other parent. When will people understand that it doesn´t matter if you still get along with your child´s biological parent? The child needs both sides and that should be the only thing that matters! I am glad my parents never tried to keep me away from each other so I had the chance to grow up with both influences.
I don’t think it’s unreasonable to ask the mom to pump or skip a feeding in order to allow the dad increased visitation. Now if the judge had ordered her to stop nursing entirely, that would be overly intrusive.
This is one of those tough cases. I support extended bfing, but I have an inkling that the mom might be using it as an excuse which doesn’t give great press.
I have a 19 month old who I leave for 4-6 hours with my partner, his dad without worrying about food. We nurse when we’re together.
If the problem was that the dad wanted overnights I think that would be a little different.
I agree, the little girl is old enough to go without breastmilk for a while. She could drink or eat anything else at this age, regardless of pumping. I can bet she mostly nurses for comfort/habit now anyhow–not for hunger.
I’m back.
Read this for another side of the story.
http://www.parentcentral.ca/parent/article/625375
Long weekends when the baby was a week old! oy! It says he sees her 3 and half days a week. I don’t know, the child’s young. I have a feeling the dad wants overnights and that age is tricky if your bfing.
I’m erring with the mom and have sympathy for the dad. My dh felt a little left out here and there during the early years but once they are a little older the dad gets more than enough hands on!
Hi flowers,
I read that article (and now linked to it in this blog). And while I don’t necessarily believe she was being manipulative, I do think it is wrong-headed to say,
“I just feel that a child needs stability and needs one place.”
Of course children need that! They also need both parents. I’m sorry to say, but that’s the way custody works. When you are not in a relationship with someone, but share a child, things simply cannot always be up to your ideals.
I wouldn’t be comfortable in this situation as the mother, but this is the way custody works. I’ve definitely had a lot of near n dear people who dealt with it to know that.
It seems, however, that in Canada they are very friendly to custody visitation for fathers!
I agree with pretty much everyone here. I support extended breastfeeding, and don’t believe it should be interfered with or that the importance should be discarded. However, it also shouldn’t be used as an excuse to keep a parent and child apart. As valuable as nursing is, it is not the most valuable thing in a child’s life, having a good relationship with parents is more important.
By the time my own daughter was 29 months she would go whole days without nursing and it was no problem for either of us. It also didn’t hurt our nursing relationship, which continued in the same way when we weren’t apart. I think this is pretty common for older toddlers, and should certainly be attempted, at minimum, in this case.
I don’t think there should be a time table but I also think the child is old enough for her mom to not use nursing as a reason not to see her dad. The only person she is hurting is the child, while I am sure the dad is frustrated keeping her from her father can be damaging in many ways. A child at that age while I support breastfeeding isn’t on a strict schedule like a much younger child.
When I saw this article I honestly thought this was going to be about an infant…lol.
The liklihood of mom being able to pump this late in the game is very slim. I started pumping to donate when my son was 18mos, and it was DIFFICULT to get milk out. Stabilization makes it really hard to pump.
The sad fact of the matter is that this is likely to result in forced weaning of the child, especially if the child spends multiple days with dad and no access to mom to nurse.
I don’t think that’s at all fair to the child.
Mom and dad should both draw together and figure out some way for the child to continue to breastfeed while getting one-on-one time with dad.
If this child were younger, I would feel all up in arms, but because of her age it does seem like a way for Mama to be a bit controlling and express her bitterness by withholding time. The unfortunate part of it all, though, is that such a ruling will make it more likely that the gov’t will try to pull such rulings where it shouldn’t be at all (with infants, perhaps). That’s my fear, anyway.
I don’t know….my daughter is almost 2 and absolutely NEEDS to nurse on a fairly regular basis and also through the night. She still gets a lot of calories from breastmilk and is VERY emotionaly dependent on it. This is a healthy, natural and normal thing at this age. She has never had a bottle or a pacifier and would take no comfort from one. (She can’t even figure out how to suck one – I’ve tried and she just chews it). Unfortunately, dads of BF babes take a bit of a back seat for the first few years of nursing but it all evens out in the end. That father needs to be a part of his daughters life but they need to work around the BF schedule and I think it would be awful to force the child to have overnights with him at this age, since she is still nursing. I, too, sympathize with the father yet “rule” with the mama.
It is sad that two parents can’t come together and work up a decision both can deal with….
And at this age they shouldn’t be having middle of the night feedings. Not only are they old enough to go all night but it really is BAD for their teeth. So then lets put that aside we are talking about day feedings. If the child is eating solids then we are talking how many times a day? Did the mom propose to meet in the middle? I don’t know. On the cover of it all I think the courts may have reached the only decision they were left to reach.
Just for the record I breastfed till 2 and would have gone longer also I am a divorced single mom.
I support extended breastfeeding and co-parenting. Fathers and Mothers are important to children.
To all those whose knee-jerk response is “a child needs both parents, a father deserves time with his child” or something like it, please do some research. The most important thing at this age is a child’s bond with his/her mother. Start here: http://www.thelizlibrary.org/site-index/site-index-frame.html#soulhttp://www.thelizlibrary.org/fatherless/effects-of-fatherlessness.html