You may recall that the “Cry It Out” method was recently called “toxic” by a parenting expert, Dr. Penelope Leach. “Cry It Out” is a form of sleep training where you leave your baby alone for progressing amounts of time to sleep, even if he cries. You can soothe, but not pick baby up. Then once you’ve mastered CIO, you can ask baby to roll over, beg, and play dead. Oh wait–no.
Dr. Leach says of CIO:
I’ve heard it said that babies stop crying because they have learned that mummy wants them to go back to sleep. Babies are not capable of that sort of learning.
The reason that a baby gives up after half an hour, three-quarters of an hour or an hour is that it has given up and that its expectations have been altered.
Nice. So instead of encouraging a baby with your love and nurturing, you’re teaching him that he just shouldn’t expect you.
Dr. Leach says CIO is “harmful for babies’ brains” because it causes the release of cortisol, a stress hormone, which some neuroscientists call “toxic” over time.
If you don’t buy her warnings, well, you can buy this! There is now an iPhone application that guides parents through the CIO Method.
Aptly called “Ciao Baby,” this helps you time your passive-aggressive parenting nighttime routine. You know, because you might pick up and soothe your baby during the day, but at night it’s just so inconvenient. And babies, above all, should be convenient.
“Ciao” as in, “Buh-bye. You’re just not doing the thing I need, and I am so outta here, babe.”
Dr. Leach says there is no empirical data that proves CIO works. She suggests soothing baby, but showing that nighttime is different by not playing. Or, in realistic terms, trust your instincts and use common sense. If it bothers you to leave your 6-month-old crying, that’s because it’s supposed to. Your baby is incapable of learning your needs or your schedule at that point.
CIO is not the answer, people. And no, I’m not talking about your toddler being exhausted and throwing a tantrum at bedtime. I’m talking about the willful timing of baby’s cries. Babies don’t comprehend timers…got it?!
Or, as one Facebook friend described “Cry It Out”: “Parenting for assholes.”
The shocking app was passed on through this friend. (Check out her adorable handmade felt food.)
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I love the tone of this post. Right on, mama!
I love the tone of this post. Right on, mama!
The whole point of being a good parent is to be there to comfort your child. What about just rocking your baby to sleep in your own arms (even if it takes a while). I have found memories of doing that if my little one.
Between this app and the one that turns your iphone into a baby monitor (avec all the radiation emitted to your sleeping babies’ brains after they CIO and fall asleep) I can’t imagine anything worse. But I am sure a slew of apps targeted to the parents who want convenient babies will still find their way into our culture. Shame.
I am not surprised, but I am horrified. Having had a kid who was resistant to sleep his first year of life, I have read all the “experts”. And there is nothing out there that can convince me that CIO is healthy or good for kids. It is parenting for assholes.
Just horrifying. I have never understood CIO, and like Nicole J. I have a baby who resists sleeping. Nearly 16 months old now and still rarely sleeps through the night. I’m often up twice a night with her. But we’re getting better.
This makes me think of the one night the baby monitor wasn’t on. I found out that the sound of her crying doesn’t make it very well to my room without it. She was so desperate by the time I heard her, it was just heartbreaking. I can’t imagine doing that deliberately.
There are better ways to help a baby learn to sleep through the night. They may work better on some kids than on others, but that’s just parenthood.
whoa, check the judgment ladies.
i am in a mom’s group with a mother who had an 11 month old who woke up every 45 minutes and had from the time he was a newborn. she is a committed attachment parenting advocate, and she exhausted every avenue – took him to doctors, co-slept, didn’t co-sleep, slept with him on a futon on the floor, changed her bedding & blinds & diet, bought a slew of white noise generators, etc. the lack of sleep was affecting her marriage & her own mental health, as you can imagine.
then she hired a sleep consultant, who advised her to let her baby cry for 5 minutes at a time as a means to helping him to learn to put himself back to sleep. after a week he was sleeping for 6 hours at a time and after two weeks he was sleeping through the night.
she said it was the best thing she ever did & that it saved her relationship & her sanity. It had nothing to do with convenience, and yet you would call her an asshole? shame on you.
My 11mo would wake constantly through the night. We were lucky to get 45 mins. I STILL didn’t CIO because why the hell would I want him to be going to sleep because he believed he was alone, abandoned and his cries for help were futile??? I practice responsive parenting. And the quicker my son is responded to? The faster he goes back to sleep / stops being upset, because I’m comforting the initial problem, rather than than that AND the feeling of terror that comes with fearing you are all alone and nobody will answer your cries.
Imagine as an adult crying and crying, your partner in the next room, and he doesn’t come to you? Or he pops his head in and says “shush, go to sleep” and offers no hugs? Imagine how hurtful that would be, as an adult? Why do that to a child???
I am not surprised by this app , horrified but not surprised.
I think there is a big diffrence between choosing to CIO because you WANT the sleep or doing it because you/and or baby NEED the sleep.
My first never slept great , never cared – feed every 3 hours till 2+ but she slept with us and we never minded . 2nd was a great sleeper and by 4 months was going 14hours a night in her own bed no problems there (funny thing is there is 17m between my girls so baby slept through night before her sister).
My 3rd was the problem child – he would not sleep with me – screamed if i lay down with him and screamed if i did not sit in a certain way with him. He rarely went more than an hour between feeds day and night . He was misrable and i was completly misrable , my other children were suffering and i was very much so . CIO was not something i could really consider though i admit once when he was about 11 months old having a bit of a breakdown (we were having an extra hard week , this was the Friday and i had only had 5 hours of broken sleep since the Sunday night) and i put him in his cot shut the door , turned on my tv loud and went to sleep .
I felt like the worst mother in the world but for that one night i needed to do it .
Around 13/14 months i had to get tough and could not do it anymore. I would never of considered it before but i was unable to go on anymore . My version of CIO was kinda diffrent – he fed to sleep ,when he woke i would feed him till he came of the breast – then he would go down . Most times he would spring straight awake (which would also happen if i kept him in my arms) and wanted fed again but i stopped letting him . He would scream in anger for a few minutes then stop and normally be sleeping again before 5 minutes were up . If he woke a dozen times a night i would feed him a dozen times .
FWIW it did over time make him a great sleeper , at 20months he started sleeping all night and not only am i a much happier mummy but he is a much happier boy. No longer is he my misrable , screaming child but a happy and fun toddler.
Sorry got a little carried away there…so yeah sucky app
** What is “Controlled Crying”?
The aim of Controlled Crying is to teach an infant how to go to sleep by themselves, without the need of parental assistance (e.g. Rocking, pacing, or late night drives listening to “The Boss” play on the radio).
****In addition to “removing” stress at bedtime****, it can also help the infant to re-settle themselves if they wake up during the night – which means lots more sleep for everyone in the house!
removing stress???? REMOVING??????? WTF?
It’s sad that there’s an App for it. It’s sad that some parents do any form of ‘Controlled Crying’ for convenience. It’s really sad that a parenting Forum would judge parents in a such a negative way!
I was on my own with no respite, a full time job and an 16 month old who would not sleep unless it was in the crook of my arm. There is no life in that. While I would not advocate ‘Controlled Crying’ for an infant it saved me from a breakdown. It took me a weekend to change my sons sleep habits , a weekend and a broken heart! If you think I am callous think again! How dare you judge me until you have walked in my shoes!
Sometimes it’s nice to just vent about dangerous parenting tactics that pass as mainstream around our culture.
That being said, Jennifer, there is a big difference between a mama who tried everything and has to learn to let her baby fuss/cry for a few minutes to get some much needed sleep and a parent who willfully places a baby alone in a crib with the intention of leaving it there with no comfort for a pre-determined amount of adult-approved time.
Babies are people too, and deserve the same consideration and respect as people who are older.