• View ecochildsplay’s profile on Facebook
  • View ecochildsplay’s profile on Twitter
  • View ecochildsplay’s profile on Instagram
  • View ecochildsplay’s profile on Pinterest
  • View Jennifer Lance’s profile on LinkedIn
  • View ecochildsplay’s profile on YouTube
  • View ecochildsplay’s profile on Google+

Eco Child's Play

Live a greener, healthier life!

  • Environment
  • Pregnancy
  • Food & Recipes
  • Health News
  • Parenting
  • Green Toys
  • Beauty & Beauty Products
  • Green Home & Cleaning
  • Contact

Parenting & Discipline: ABC Alternatives to Yelling

parenting and discipline

Parenting can be challenging, especially with a strong-willed child. Sometimes when all else fails, even the most patient parent will yell. It’s loud. It gets attention. It’s shocking, especially when it doesn’t happen often. It means business. It lets your kids know who’s in control…or does it?

Stephen Marche in the New York Times writes:

It doesn’t make you look authoritative. It makes you look out of control to your kids. It makes you look weak. And you’re yelling, let’s be honest, because you are weak. Yelling, even more than spanking, is the response of a person who doesn’t know what else to do. 1

After you yell at your child, what happens? If you have a teenager or toddler, they may yell back. Then what happens? How does the escalation of anger stop? Does it stop the behavior? How do you feel after yelling?

Marche continues:

Yelling to stop your kids from running into traffic is not what we’re talking about here. We’re talking about yelling as a form of correction. Yelling for correction is ineffective as a tool and merely imprints the habit of yelling onto the children. We yell at our kids over the same stuff every day, and we yell at them some more because the original yelling doesn’t work. Put your clothes away. Come down for dinner. Don’t ride the dog. Stop hitting your brother.

During my master’s of education studies, I learned about the ABC and shaping methods for classroom discipline. To change a negative behavior, you examine:

  • A = Antecedent. What comes before the undesirable behavior.
  • B = Identify the negative behavior you wish to change.
  • C = The consequence of the behavior or what happens after it.

Sometimes the antecedent and consequence are very revealing. Is there a time of day or something that triggers the behavior often? Can you change that?

Additionally, the consequence is also interesting. Could the consequence in some way be enforcing the behavior? For example, is the child receiving attention for it? Negative attention, like yelling, is better than no attention at all for some children.

Another way to look at ABC is in shaping positive behavior.

  • A = Antecedent. What happens right before your child does as you ask or is expected of them?
  • B = Behavior. Clearly identify the positive behavior.
  • C = Consequence. How is the child rewarded or praised?

Marche explains how this technique looks in the home:

So instead of yelling at your kid every night for the shoes strewn across the floor, ask him in the morning if he can put his shoes away when he comes home. Make sure when you come home that you put your own shoes away. And if your child puts his shoes away, or even puts them closer to where they’re supposed to be, tell him that he did a great job and then hug him.

Yes, this all sounds great, and it is, but it takes work and planning. With older children, you can sit down and talk to them about the ABCs. You can make a chart. Teens can help identify the antecedents, behaviors, and consequences. This may help with the long-term goal of self-regulation. (You may even want to try it with your spouse :))

What do you have to nag your children about regularly? Make a list. Start with just one of the most irksome things that is easily fixable. Talk to your child. Tell them the behavior you want to replace. Model the behavior yourself.

Eliminate antecedents that lead up to the behavior if possible, like hunger or lack of sleep or over-scheduled activities. If you cannot elminate them, be aware of how they trigger the negative behavior. What is the positive consequence, if there is one? What is the negative consequence?

Sometimes as parents, we don’t realize we may actually be reinforcing the behavior we want to change. It takes time; it takes reflection; it takes effort.

And if you lose it and yell, apologize after you have calmed down. Model how to say you are sorry with genuine emotion. Admit you are human.

Parents aren’t perfect. We mess up, but there are tools to help us.

  • Twitter
  • Email
  • Pinterest
  • Print
  • Facebook
  • LinkedIn
  • More
  • WhatsApp
  • Tumblr
  • Reddit

Footnotes

  1. https://www.nytimes.com/2018/09/05/well/family/why-you-should-stop-yelling-at-your-kids.html?em_pos=small&emc=edit_hh_20181221&nl=well&nl_art=4&nlid=48748113emc%3Dedit_hh_20181221&ref=headline&te=1
  • Email
  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • Pinterest
  • Twitter

Subscribe!

« 5 Fun Christmas Traditions Around the World
The Link Between Parkinson’s, Herbicide Paraquat, and Gut Health »

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Recipe Rating




This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Search Content

  • Email
  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • Pinterest
  • Twitter


About Eco Child’s Play

Our ethos is to provide news, information, and opinions on natural, green parenting to help your family live a greener, healthier life! Additionally, we offer personal consulting services to help you achieve your green living goals.

Jennifer is a vegetarian, yoga teacher, gardener, hiker, teacher, and mother that has been living off-the-grid for over 20 years.

Contact Eco Child’s Play

Plants Over Plastics! Repurpose Compostable Home Products

Convenient Plastic Container Free Dropps Laundry & Dishwashing Pods

More from the archives!

Study: Just 1 Hug a Day Prevents the Common Cold

Hank D and the Bee: Global Warming May Make You Laugh!

Media Misrepresentation: Cosleeping Blamed for Infant's Death

Today is World AIDS Day: No Child Born with HIV

Alternative Energy Education: Fuel Cells, Hydropower, and Global Warming Science Kits

cbd salve joy organics

CBD Products that Actually Deliver: Joy Organics

wama hemp underwear

The Most Comfortable Underwear is Made of Hemp: WAMA Review

Information

  • About & Contact
  • Archive
  • Blog
  • Consulting Services
  • Disclaimer, Disclosure, & Sponsored Posts
  • Privacy Policy

Homeschool Cooking: Easy, Vegan, Gluten-Free Apple Crisp

Green Craft: Fun With Plastic Bottles!

Another Reason to be Vegetarian

Living Off the Grid: Our Micro Hydro Alternative Energy System

Ohio Woman Ticketed for Breastfeeding While Driving

Popular Categories

  • Breastfeeding
  • Health News
  • Natural Childbirth
  • Parenting
  • Education
  • Product Review
  • Green Toys

Get our posts via email

Please stay in touch!

You might also like to read…

Gloves Come Off in GE Food Fight

Why I Hate Dr. Phil: Sensationalizing Home Births

Parents Arrested for Feeding Children Commercially Grown Food

Eco Juvenile Books: Curse of the Bone Pirates Eco-Logical Adventures

All I Need Is The Air That I Breathe

Copyright © 2023 · Divine theme by Restored 316

Copyright © 2023 · Divine Theme On Genesis Framework · WordPress · Log in

loading Cancel
Post was not sent - check your email addresses!
Email check failed, please try again
Sorry, your blog cannot share posts by email.