The Dreamstime feeding bowl and cutlery suction cup to the high chair or table. Now, you, too can have spaghetti-o’s on your wall and frustrate your child while she learns to use a spoon!
Ever wonder why the average new parent runs out to buy a huge SUV for the new family? It’s not to carry the baby, babies are pretty small. It’s for all the STUFF. An endless variety of unnecessary stuff that is marketed to you as a parent. I’ve survived the baby year.
Here’s a few tips on gear you (and the land fill) won’t miss later:
- The Nursury Sanitizer. Because that binky isn’t going to hit the floor every five seconds, anyway. Go ahead, spend $59.95 and drive yourself crazy trying to keep everything “clean.” That sucker’s going in the closet after about a week of reality.
- The $36 designer potty stool. The first user review says it all; “Won’t work for boys. By Mother of Twins.”
- $24.95 on a tub “bumper.” What, are you going to leave them alone in there? You’re not four inches away? I know. I know. I considered the full body foam protective suit with matching crash helmet, but the useless baby gadget inventors haven’t gotten around to that one yet.
- Shampoo rinse cup. Only $8.95 for a plastic pitcher. Wow. Bargain.
- A cross-shoulder strap that lets you strap on that really heavy car seat/carrier AND your child both. Your hands will be free, and your chiropractor will be rich.
- Okay, I bought one of these “Baby Safe Feeders.” It’s this mesh net attached to a handle like a huge binky. You give it to the kid so she can gnaw away at the food, but never actually get to eat it. Sounds like an eating disorder in the making. I never got it out of the packaging.
- Oh, my favorite! The stay-put bowl and cutlery set. You suction cup these to the table so your kiddo doesn’t swipe them off the table. Nice in theory. What actually happens is your child pulls and pulls and pulls at this thing until the suction cup gives way, and WHOOSH! Spaghetti-O’s all over the wall. I still have them on there years later. Stellar product, yours for $12.95. Interior paint and labor extra.
- On the other end of the scale, an actual baby gift we received: The Tiffany china bowl, plate and cup set. China. Tiffany. Yeah.
- The jar holder. $7.95 for a suction cup to hold the baby food jar to the table. Hmm. The reviewer says she uses it to keep her baby from swiping the jar off the table. Okay, their arms aren’t that long. Maybe if you just moved it a bit farther away? Nope, farther, almost, there!
- The electric Wipe Warmer. Okay, so maybe my kiddo will have to work out the whole cold wipe thing in therapy later. But $24.95? And electric?
- The Wee Block. Not that putting a diaper over the boy parts isn’t a good idea for your own well-being. But, it’s $12.95 for a friggin’ sponge. That gets peed on.
- I can’t do this one justice with my own description. The Baby Care Timer. “For sleep-deprived new parents, it’s hard remembering when you did what — but not with our clever time manager! Forget about journaling; with the press of a button, the itzbeen displays the time since baby’s last feeding, diaper change, nap, and more. You can even set audible reminders for yourself!”It’s got more buttons and displays on it than the cell phone I’ve had for a year and still can’t work. And I’m supposed to figure this out sleep deprived? I couldn’t even figure out the fridge door then. $24.95. Batteries, of course, sold separately.
[This post was written by Beth Bader.]
I completely agree that there is waaay too much useless crap marketed to parents. But I have to say, the mesh feeder thing was a sanity saver for me when my son was teething for weeks on end and refused the usual teethers you put in the fridge – and why not? They’re cold to hang on to! With the mesh feeder, I could pop an ice cube or cube of homemade frozen pear puree in and bingo: happy baby, happy mama.
Yup, what Jenn just said! We used the mesh feeder for teething relief, too. My daughter sprouted her first tooth when she was three months old–far too young to have the manual dexterity to hold one of the regular teethers in her mouth, but still able to suck on an ice cube in the mesh feeder bag.
I also love the mesh feeder. It’s great for teething! Freeze banana, peaches, etc., they’ll love it. It was life saver when my husband was deployed and I was on my own. I could put her in her chair, give her an apple slice in the mesh feeder and do the dishes in peace. Love it. Highly recommended. While banana gets stuck in the mesh no matter how hard you try to get it out, wash it with hot soap and water and who cares about a little staining or left over banana. Those kids are picking up worse things by crawling around on the floor! Just keep it away fromt he family dog. He’ll love it too!
No kidding? I had no idea it was useful. Mine got teeth so fast, she was just ready for the real stuff to gnaw on. If I were to have another, perhaps I will get it out!
I used my Itzbeen timer. I have twins and they are 6 months old. In order to keep track of two babies, it was very helpful.
I live in Mexico. Living here taught me that I just don’t NEED that stuff. The only thing I ever had two of were two car seats and two high chairs (and even those were the kind you pull up to the table, so at 3 and half they are still using them.)
Oh! I forgot to mention I have twins.
Lori Ann says
This is a great post. Hubby and I have been laughing at all the baby “essentials” lists we’re finding online… we live in China and have noticed, few items on the lists seem to be used over here! And yet, 1.3 billion people seem to be doing okay over here!!
One funny thing though: a baby magazine someone gave me did have an advertisement for “crawling helmets,” a padded head covering to prevent bruises as the little one learns to crawl and then walk!
I see this is an old article, but since I found it I assume other people are still finding it, too, so I just thought I’d point out that wipe warmers are unsanitary–the warmth is a breeding ground for germs (and not the good kind).
I was stupid enough to buy most gadgets sold to man. Here is what I could have used in place of the baby mesh feeder, 1 mesh cloth and 1 elastic hair tie, put the frozen baby cube or ice cube in the center, bring the edges up around it and tier the frozen stuff into the middle.